Dealing with Loneliness on the Road (Part 2)
This is part 2 in our series of posts about dealing with loneliness.
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Follow your whim (Christina from Solbeam)
I remember wondering about this question myself; once. And then I noticed the guy sitting next to me on the plane was reading, “The Alchemist” and I said, “Hey! That’s my favorite book!” and he said, “Yea? It inspired me to make this solo adventure to Latin America, which I’m now kind of nervous about….” And that’s the thing about “loneliness” on the road; it dissipates as fast as you can write, “me too!” in the fog of your breath on the window plexiglas.
The community of solo travellers is strong and sticky; we are like beads of mercury, ever rolling faster, and with a curiously strong drive for cohesion, towards each other. Being an introvert and independent, I actually have to concentrate on keeping my eyes low and my pace quick to find my (treasured) time alone.
In seven years of travelling, the only time I remember wishing for a little more community was in Thailand, where as a “single” it’s easy to get lost in the boat loads of honeymooners and bratpacks of recent college graduates. But if you avoid the strongholds of Club Med, you’ll quickly find the other solo traveller(s) looking for you. And this might sound strangely like dating advice, but it’s true: just follow your whim and interests; joining a language school, dropping in on a dance class or volunteering with an NGO are all INSTANT “ins” into already established communities of both locals and travellers. All you have to do is drop by the closest internet cafe and look for the board with all the activity fliers and jot down the location and time. While you’re there, ask the internet cafe if they are hiring, because a quick local job (bartending, teaching English, etc.) is another instant door to close community. And if you haven’t joined CouchSurfing yet, you should register and build up your profile, as I’ve found some of my BEST friends in the world via this global network established JUST for the purpose of fostering intimate community and authentic connections between locals and international travellers. And finally, “loneliness” and being “alone” are not the same; don’t come home without figuring out the difference!
Bonus tip: Always keep a book on hand and don’t be afraid to avoid loneliness by instead embracing your alone-ness.
More on loneliness from Christina’s blog:
* On the “solo” path of “pilgrimism” in religion
* On the “lonliness” of returning home
* The “loneliness” of movement
Carry a good book (Carolyn McIntyre from Girl Solo in Arabia)
I rarely feel lonely by myself. I think it is much worse to be with someone (a guide for example) who is just not on the same wavelength that you’re stuck with them. If I have a good book I am never lonely so I try to always have something to read. Lone travelers know that you have to be much more open to meeting people than you would be if you had a friend with you, so I talk to complete strangers a lot.
Talk about it (Craig Martin from The Indie Travel Podcast)
Many people think that travelling with a partner will take away all the loneliness that the travelling life can bring about. It’s simply not true. My wife and I have been living “on the road” since February 2006 and we have, many times, talked about the people we miss. It’s not about travelling with someone you know; it’s about community, shared experience and common trials. That’s why it takes more than one person to combat loneliness while you travel.
More on loneliness from Craig’s podcast:
* Home and Away with Sherry Ott
Make a connection, or move on (Craig from Travelvice)
For many travelers, loneliness and homesickness go hand in hand. Some travelers begin to miss the familiarity of their bed, pet, and/or their loved ones and friends to a point where they begin closing themselves off to new experiences. Submerging oneself in daily e-mails and instant messenger chats is one way that lonely travelers put smiles on their faces, but those moments are fleeting, and only serve take away from the reality of the place they’re in (which is exactly the point of electronic escapism).
There’s no quick and easy answer on how to cure a lonely spirit. It’s different for everyone. Some look to alcohol-fueled conversation, one-night stands, and discos. For others, a webcam, hobby or regular outlet can help (writing a travelogue has saved me on many boring, conversationless nights, alone in an empty room).
The important thing is either to make a connection with someone or something, a person or a place, or to move on. If you’re not smiling, change your environment — your hostel, your city, your country, or your continent — this is my mantra. If you find your smiles, you’ll be more likely to focus on the positive things around you, and less likely to dwell on the things that you’re missing. It’s all in your head.
Mingle with the locals (Alice Griffin from Travelling Tails)
Time for splendid isolation is a pastime desired by most travelers; but when inner-reflection gets boring, I like to go out and meet people! Pack a good dictionary, don’t be afraid to use it and you’ll be amazed where you end up: eating in backstreet Thai restaurants with locals, pouring sake for Japanese Taiko drummers and drinking Ouzo with crazy Greeks … There is no time to be lonely!
Meet people (Travel Betty)
1. Find the slightest commonality and seize upon it as your opener: Similar accent. Unusual accent. A clothing item displaying the name of a place you’ve once visited. Both being treated for larval infestation at the local clinic. Whatever it is, go with it!
2. When you enter a restaurant, take your time to scope the room looking for empty tables near people that fit the profile of the kind you typically like. Couples in love are usually not interested in chatting with a third wheel (Although if they’re at the end of their trip, they may be looking for someone, anyone to distract them from their mate. Proceed with caution.) Three-tops and two friends traveling together are usually a good bet and much more willing to take on another pal. And then there’s the big group. Sometimes, if it’s a specific function or family reunion, you may not be able to penetrate the scene. But other times, you may be welcomed as part of the gang.
3. Remind yourself that you’re not looking to make a lifelong best friend. While that’d be a nice bonus, the goal is to get someone to talk to you long enough so you don’t look like an alcoholic drinking alone or, for the ladies, like a good-time girl on the hunt for a sugar daddy.
Deal with it (Gary Arndt from Everything, Everywhere Travel Blog)
You just deal with it. No matter where you are, you are surrounded by sights and sounds which you’ve never experienced before. Go for a walk, go eat something you’ve never eaten before, go talk to someone in a hostel, go see a movie, read a book, listen to a podcast. I found that most loneliness I had to deal with was at the beginning of my trip. Traveling is so ingrained in my life now, I hardly ever experience it….and I’ve been traveling solo for 18 months.
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Posted by Eric on September 16th, 2008 in Articles.
