Travel Blogs

Dealing With Loneliness on the Road (Part 3)

This is part 3 in our series of posts about dealing with loneliness. Check out Parts 1 and 2 for more advice on how to deal with loneliness.

Ask for directions (Derek Turner from The World By Sea)

Humans are social creatures. We need each other, to interact, to communicate, to share. When you live on a sailboat for months or travel solo in a land that doesn’t speak your language, there are bound to be lonely times. It’s something we all deal with, and although each situation is different, there are a few lessons I’ve learned in my travels.

The best trick I can offer is this: Ask for directions. Simple, stupid, effective. Ask anyone who looks interesting, anyone you would want to talk to. The actual need for directions is unnecessary, it is the asking that matters. It sounds silly, I know, but the point is when you feel alone what you need most is personal interaction. A map in hand is a foot in the door. Follow that up with a “Thank you. Where are you from?” Or, “Is there something you’d recommend I see?” and often times you’ll find yourself connecting with a new face in a foreign land.

The most important thing you can realize is that despite our many differences we are all human. No matter where you go people laugh, love and cry at the same things. You have a lot more in common than you may think. Make it a point to learn the 4 language essentials: “excuse me”, “hello”, “thank you”, and “good bye”. Which will show you are interested in more than just yourself. Then ask for directions and see where it takes you.

Oh yeah one last thing, when you’ve finally gotten them to talk don’t forget to listen. It’s a valuable lesson I’ve learned in fighting loneliness, that is when you want nothing more than to have someone to talk to, one of the best things you can do is listen. Honestly engage someone and they will engage you back. And it can all begin with that one simple question, “Excuse me, do you know where I am?”

Hit the booze (Greg Wesson from Greg Wesson’s Esoteric Globe)

How do I deal with loneliness?

Booze, lots of booze. Seriously, there have been times when I have wound up sitting in a hotel room in a far away place feeling sorry for myself, feeling burnt out and longing for home, like when I was in Atlanta in 2005. I have found a two step plan to counter that, a goal to go out sight-seeing and then writing about it in my blog.

First, I set a goal to get out and see something, even if I don’t feel like it. I have found as soon as I am out of the hotel and sight-seeing again, I feel better about it. Second, my blog allows me to capture and communicate my travels, and it helps me feel connected to someone, even if they are far away on the either side of wire. If you aren’t comfortable blogging, you could just send an email to your friends or family back home, who are always happy to hear from you and won’t criticize your writing. Making yourself write about your travels forces you to go out and fulfill those sight-seeing goals you set yourself, otherwise you won’t have anything to write about…and if that doesn’t work, there is always more booze.

Blog about it (Brooke from Brooke vs. The World)

A blog is a great way to deal with loneliness on the road. Not only does it give a reason to spend time typing stories and uploading photographs, but it also provides a way to be in communication with family and friends back home. If you’re feeling lonely simply write about it (or make a video as I did here: Seeing people I know everywhere) and you might get some responses from friends with comforting words. Also, having projects like editing photos and studying languages help to pass the time when loneliness may be an issue. If all else fails, I just keep an open mind and attitude in hopes of making myself available to situations that make me not so lonely – like meeting a new dinner companion.

Load your iPod, carry photos (Dave Kidd from Kiwis Don’t Fly)

A couple of things I do is to have a travel play list on my iPod and to carry photos. The playlist is full of songs that makes me fired up about travelling such as Long-time by Salmonella Dub. This can really lift your spirits and of course help pass time on those lonely bus journeys. I normally carry some photos of family, good mates and favourite places back home. This is not only good for when you want to see people you miss, but also comes in handy in breaking the language barrier when trying to get your story across.

Of course, nowadays there are plenty of online solutions, such as email, Facebook and Skype, which gives you free calls to other Skype accounts – with cheap Internet cafe in most travel destinations this can be a good investment into your well being. However when these are not available writing post cards is a good way to kill down time and feel like you are keeping in touch. Finally keeping down time to a minimum is important as this is when you dwell on being alone; this is a good time to treat yourself to a fun activity, a good meal (a few beers here is good hehe) and to get out there and meet some new people and spark that lust for travel again.

Maintain an active social life (David Thorsrud from Lives In A Van)

I haven’t written any articles dealing with loneliness per se, but I’ve written about some of the techniques I’ve developed to maintain an active social life. Ironically, I’ve been far more active socially since I hit the road than when I was working full-time in a large city. Internet has been key.

The easiest way to get face time with people is to use MeetUp.com. Check the city you’re going into and find a group that seems interesting. You only have to sign up and show up. Many groups like hiking or biking groups don’t mandate that you converse with people, so if you’re feeling a little standoffish it isn’t a problem. If you do want to talk to someone, there are a lot of people who are willing to converse.

The other tactic has been to post listings on Craigslist. The ad is usually under Strictly Platonic and asks for advice on places to visit that aren’t touristy or that will give me a good story for my travel blog. If they’re interested in being a tour guide, that would be great. I put up a link to my blog, so the reader knows I’m legit and I usually get a few responses. My advice on placing the craigslist ad, though, is to not sound desperate, even if you are really craving human contact. Keep the wording professional and truly platonic otherwise you run the risk of sounding creepy–especially if you are a guy who lives in your van or RV full time.

Make a new friend (Andy from HoboTraveler.com)

I am not normally lonely, however, I have learned, do not go to beautiful deserted tropical islands, a man cannot survive on beauty alone. I need people, not to talk with as much as to share the day, when I go to a market, I fiddle around, make eye contact with the vendors, smile at this and that, it is nice to share the time of the day with people.

When I am traveling from place to place, I schedule the next tourist area, I may go for a month or two without seeing one tourist, then I will go to the tourist trap, an oasis of English speaking people.

When in Africa, I solved the problem by learning French. Often I need to learn the local language, to not be lonely. I am fluent in Spanish and French, and dribble away at many.

I do not try to pass the time by keeping busy. If I am lonely I travel until I find a new friend. Most of the world is easy, just say hello to everyone; or better yet, I have learned to say: “How are you?”

This is a great conversation starter, works a lot better than “Hello,” which just gets a Hello in return and the end of conversation. I have said “How are you to people,” then continued to walk, and about five minutes later the person runs up to me, and having thought of all the words they can gather up in English they explain: “Fine, thank you and you?”

To discover people that speak the same language, you have to have a motor mouth, you need to talk to everyone in English. If you do this, about one in twenty will reply and you will have found a new friend.

I also know where the former English, French and Spanish colonies were located, so I can find the next person who can talk.

I have an uncanny ability to get invited into peoples homes, it is really difficult for me to be lonely.

Remember the good times (Mike from Blogshank)

Mike shares one of his recent experiences with loneliness, and how he overcame it. Originally published here.

Prepare for it (Erik Gauger from Notes From the Road)

For as long as I have been traveling alone, that feeling will grip me, almost haunt me, and taunt me with the desire to turn around. Why am I doing this? Why am I out here? It doesn’t immediately present itself as loneliness, but it is, and it follows me wherever I go while traveling.

Last month, I was alone on the Seward Peninsula of Alaska, one of the quietest, loneliest, sparsest landscapes in North America. I was to be spending several days without talking to hardly a soul; days of driving and walking on fields of sub-arctic flowers and grasses. Of course, the haunt of loneliness set in quickly. But this time, I had really prepared for it, and knew how to deal with it. True loneliness, the feeling of genuine loss, regret and isolated sadness, that is one of the most powerful dreads of humanity. But traveler’s loneliness is something different altogether, and somehow, isolated in a dirty old Jeep on the arctic tundra, I realized that I could harness loneliness, like a trucker tackles caffeine. Traveler’s loneliness is not all bad, I realized. It is an emotion that can tear you down, or a tool that can push you forward. I embraced it. It made me think of my family back home, but it also made me comfortable, more aware, with only the faintest sadness hanging over me.

Subscribe to TravelBlogs Posted by Eric on September 18th, 2008 in Articles.
Tags: loneliness on the road, solo travel